APPLE

A poem about temptation, I admit that it is partially inspired by Bella Swan. :)

APPLE

Forward and backward.
Pushing and pulling away.
Won't you stay
for awhile, sweet lover?
Take cover
within these folds of time.
These twists of fate.
I can't wait
to feel it again.

Delicious and vicious,
so mysterious.
I am delirious.
How can I seriously
be trapped within this?
Your deadly kiss
that drew me in.
This sin.
You win.
I surrender.
No longer tender,
and tempted by danger.

Now bend me and break me,
taste me, then take me
As I spill this confession.
Sweet, sweet obsession.
No longer hidden,
but always forbidden.

So wrong to desire what
once set me on fire
like Hell that you put me through.
How could I forgive you?
Reliving history,
and now the mystery is solved.
You have been absolved of all blame
For now I indulge in the flame.
Oh, how the tables have turned.
Now I long to be burned.

Words that you've spoken
have shattered me, broken me
but also allowed me to heal.
You've caused me to feel
a brand new sensation.
A belated invitation that I must accept.
Compelled to attend.
The end?
Never. This love is forever.

Our contract in blood;
a flood of emotions inside me.
I beg you to hide me
within these folds of time.

Here
I am safe.
Here
I am free.
Permitted to feel.

Because this is not real.

The Song of October

My favorite and most personal poem, this is about autumn and my feelings associated with it.

THE SONG OF OCTOBER

The world is slowly shifting...
Oppressive heat is lifting.
I inhale
the final fading sighs
of summer's breath;
Such a glorious Death
is Autumn.

I find myself helpless;
no words to capture
this seasonal rapture
that grips my heart in cold.
Waves of red and gold
swirl around...
Like memories that surround me
so clear they astound me.
So many secrets I have never told.

Sky so peaceful blue,
protects me like a cover.
Or else a deceitful lover,
appearing safe and inviting,
when in truth so bitter and biting;
enveloping my senses in chill.
Such a thrill
to feel
so real....
so warm.
Then comes the storm
so sudden and strong, to make me forget
that warmth could ever exist.

Deep intakes of breath
sustain me with air that is stunningly crisp
So sweet I can't resist
this poison that swells up inside me.
I'm alone.
A witness to beauty and pain.
Metallic rain of leaves
that seems to be never ending.
A branch in the wind, unbending
eventually will be broken.
Words that will never be spoken
evaporate from rosy lips.
Deadly heartbeat fading fast...
And now my eyes will close at last.

Such a Glorious Death is Autumn.

Thanksgiving

Written Thanksgiving Day, 2010

THANKSGIVING

Today I give thanks for each breath I sustain.
For the changing of seasons ~ the wind and the rain.
I'm thankful for colors, for darkness and light.
For sunshine and starlight, for each day and night.
I'm thankful for forests, and mountains, and oceans.
I'm thankful for thoughts and for dreams and emotions.
For love and for happiness, for pain and for sorrow.
The gift of today and the chance of tomorrow.
I'm thankful for all of the years now behind me;
they formed me, they shaped me, and now they remind me
of all of the memories no one can steal ~
powerful, meaningful, beautifully real.
Mostly I'm thankful for my roles in this life ~
A woman. A daughter. A sister. A wife.
And one I give thanks for above any other:
This privilege and honor of being a MOTHER.
For each day that I have with my two little boys.
The smiles and the giggles ~ the endless joys.
I'm thankful for days filled with fun and surprise...
For seeing my future in their deep brown eyes.
Today I give thanks for the part that I play
in this world, in this life, on this perfect day.

Unending Summers

Written after seeing a teenage girl that reminded me of myself on the first day of summer vacation.

UNENDING SUMMERS

On this warm summer evening
I walk along the grey and broken pavement
under a grey and heavy sky.
My sandals skip across a cool puddle
left behind on this dreary day
Not at all like a typical summer evening...
Not at all like the ones you remember forever.

Do you remember the sun descending
and the taste of freedom sweet on your lips?
Nowhere you had to be,
except where you longed to be...
And now, don't you long to be free?
Like you were in those unending summers.

Do you remember the anticipation...
excitement spreading through you?
Like light filling a dark room.
Illuminating the possibilities of a brand new day.
Your eyes would open slowly.
No need to rush or hurry...
And no need to worry.
You were safe in the arms
of those unending summers.

Tonight while I walk on this dreary night,
I see a teenage girl on the sidewalk.
She holds herself cautiously...a little unsure.
But still, so pure.
Such innocence in the way she is standing.
What is she thinking and dreaming while
enjoying her unending summer?
Now, it is her turn.
What memories will she make and hold forever?

She gives me a smile through the rain.
and with surprise I recognize her face,
and the arms she wraps around herself.
I know the hair tumbling down over the curve of her shoulders.
And I know her heart.
And now I know
that when she looks back on this day,
she will only remember the sun.

So young, and so carefree.
She was me.

Wildfire

Don't remember when or why I wrote this one! I only remember that it has to do with winter becoming spring.

Trapped
within this heavy chill
reveling in stillness.
Lonely and daunting, but
beautifully haunting
The ice
like glass
slides over the warmth of my heart
beckoning, teasing
leaving me freezing
as I feel my blood beating
consistent, persistent.

Life stirs within me
though it appears to be leaving.
How deceiving a winter can be.
Such surprise
to watch my breath take form before my eyes.
A visual confirmation
The presence of my soul, still whole,
though thought to be shattered
like the glass
like the ice.
I paid the price for my surrender
to the glorious sun.

Beyond the biting chill, I feel the blaze.
and see the sun beyond the icy haze.
My fingers spread and numbness starts to cease
as warmth returns and overtakes the freeze.
The ice melts into water rushing
Like blood, and life, and heat that has me blushing.
So pointless to resist the sweet temptation
I thrive, and I indulge in this sensation.
I writhe and watch in helpless fascination

as you spread throughout my body

Like Wildfire

Sleeping Window

From 2009, written about a time in 1998

SLEEPING WINDOW

On the edge of the black
I don't want to go back
to get lost in the sea of delirious laughter
I just don't belong there.

Here
in the darkness
looking up, looking down
at endless sky and endless sea
would you miss me?
Maybe I could
maybe I should
why don't I just
fall?
And let the darkness catch me

Such relief to be
lost.
Away from everything
Away from everyone
Away from everywhere
I don't want to be
anymore.

So tired of endless buzzing in my mind,
So easy, this escape...a way to forget
with no regret.
And maybe they would leave without me.

I feel a smile upon my face
and I know
and I'm sure
that this is the moment.
A breath of salty air,
and I tumble through the sleeping window
to fall
not down, but away.

I pry the fingers that have trapped my heart
and open my eyes to the stars
I am released.
I descend.
Twist and bend in this glorious freedom
A whole new perception
far from deception

I surface again,
and it's almost as if

I no longer was

I hadn't been

I never became

Ruined.

It's almost as if I had Never

been Broken
Forever.

Afternoon Nap

I wrote this in 2008 during/after a particularly satisfying afternoon nap! :)

AFTERNOON NAP

An Open Space
a Place
to Rest
So Cool; Refreshed
A Dreaming Pool.
Immerse, Submerge....
Relentless Urge
To Fall Asleep.

Drifting, Fading, Undulating
as senses slowly slip...
What a Trip
to Surrender
to eyes that are yearning to close.

Coherent Thoughts
Begin to Jumble..
Tangle & Tumble
Until They Cease
Completely.
Content in Dreaming
Sweetly....
of things that have no place
in hours

Awake.

Teen Spirit

Just a little poem I doodled about being a teenager in the 90's! :)

TEEN SPIRIT

I was just a little girl and
I couldn't wait to grow.
To know what women knew.
And then I grew.

I watched MTV, and cartoons too.

I loved Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Alice in Chains,
wore baby doll dresses and Mary Janes.
Flannel shirts and red lipstick.
And I learned what it meant
to hurt.

I kept makeup in a pink Caboodle.
And every thought, and dream and doodle
contained the name of the boy who I loved.

Patches on my blue Jansport.
And Locker Mirrors.
And flavored Lip Smackers.

Best Friends necklaces given and taken.
Betrayal and gossip, and my faith shaken.

I loved to sing but only in secrecy.

During the summer's glorious heat,
I watched the boys playing hockey down the street.
And when they were done, there was one
who would come over.

So fine, so far.
How could I?
Why did I?
What was my rush,
my hurry.
And why did I worry
that I would never grow up?

And now that I have, I wouldn't erase it.
I chase it, embrace it,
and will never let go.

Seeking

I wrote this a few years ago, and it refers to a time when I was around 13. It's not really a poem, but I like it anyway! :)

SEEKING

I never liked being chased in the dark. So when they played hide and seek outside on that summer night, I sat on the porch, chilly.

I looked up at the stars and saw my life stretched out in the sky, but I couldn't read what the story said. I didn't know.

Last night, I remembered that night and pressed my hand to the cold wall. It had a pulse. A life. Memories undetected and unknown to those who dwell here.

I distract myself with the promise of spring. Of birds and breeze. I anticipate a new life and that makes me forget...but only briefly.

I never was able to quit things easily.

I never was able to hide from my feelings.

I never liked leaving pieces of myself scattered.

I never liked being chased in the dark.

Ramblings

Ramblings are just thoughts that I scribbled down...some of them turned into poems, and some of them I just like the way they sound or the way they make me feel!

Hope fades as the minutes drain away from this beautiful, wretched day. I will be forced to be normal. I'll be forced to be the me I've created inside myself. I will be trapped, yet convincing.

So mundane.

So Real, when I long to be unreal. And unraveling.

A broken piece of me forever.

What privileges are owed to me?
How much, and how deep
can I conceal?

What do I deserve to give myself, aside from what I already dearly possess (and eternally, gratefully).

While walking through life, I rarely have strayed.
It has become clear...
just who it is I have truly betrayed.

Oh delicious secret, tempt me, entice me, seduce me...
but don't break me.

The Old Oak Tree

I wrote this at the age of 12, about saying goodbye to the Oak Tree at my elementary school...or also saying goodbye to my childhood.

THE OLD OAK TREE

I found comfort in your boughs so long,
week, after month, after year.
You sang through the wind your special song
that only I could hear.

You were always there in that vast, clear space
standing straight and tall.
Waiting to see me every day,
in winter, spring and fall.

I never saw you on vacations.
You stood alone in the morning dew.
There wasn't a single child in school
to come and visit you.

The long, hot days of trauma
that you would toss and turn;
anxious for that pleasant day
the children would return.

Too long you've dried my autumn tears,
and thawed my winter freeze.
You've shaded my sorrows for years and years,
being tossed by the gentle breeze.

So long I've sat, so long I've dreamt,
surrounded by the flowers.
So long I've laid, collecting my thoughts,
for endless minutes and hours.

And now I've gone away, my friend,
far from my "place to be."
I've gone forever, I'll never come back
to the comfort of my Old Oak Tree.

Music

I wrote this in June 1996. A very simple one but I've always liked it! I wonder what I was trying to hide from?

MUSIC

I wish I were the music,
drifting through the air.

If you didn't like me,
you could turn me off.
But if you did,
you could play me over and over.

Drifting through the air,
Music is beautiful,
until it disappears
into the nothingness of the air.

If I were the music, I could be

Beautiful.

If I were the music, I could

Disappear.

Introduction

Some people can sing, dance, paint, sculpt, or play music. When inspired, I like to write. I am not the most private person in the world. I tend to wear my emotions on my face and my heart on my sleeve. While some things remain under lock and key, I do like to share my emotions and the writings that they sometimes inspire. I am not the most prolific writer in the world. I do wish that I could be! I wish I could write a good poem every day. But the ones I think are good really are a part of me, and I am proud of them. I wanted my favorites to be in one place, and I wanted to share them with you.