I Remember

This one has a few meanings, but I wrote it while dealing with anger, sadness, and then acceptance after having a miscarriage in 2006.

I Remember.

I Remember it all, I Remember so well

I Remember the Heaven and subsequent Hell.

I Remember the harsh, unexpected goodbye

Did you think I'd forget what it felt like to die?

I Remember the anguish and rage inside. . .

Endlessly waiting for pain to subside. . .

I hoped and I prayed but was simply denied. . . It wasn't meant to be.

I Remember the indescribable pain

I Remember the prayers I repeated in vain

I Remember the tears that poured like rain. . .You were lost to me.

But more, I Remember a carefree feeling

A time in my life that sent my heart reeling.

I Remember a Happiness so complete

Feelings so innocent, tender and sweet. . .

I'll Remember you always, I'll never forget,

though the sun on these memories long ago set....

I'll look back in LOVE, not in pain or regret. . .

I REMEMBER YOU!!!

APPLE

A poem about temptation, I admit that it is partially inspired by Bella Swan. :)

APPLE

Forward and backward.
Pushing and pulling away.
Won't you stay
for awhile, sweet lover?
Take cover
within these folds of time.
These twists of fate.
I can't wait
to feel it again.

Delicious and vicious,
so mysterious.
I am delirious.
How can I seriously
be trapped within this?
Your deadly kiss
that drew me in.
This sin.
You win.
I surrender.
No longer tender,
and tempted by danger.

Now bend me and break me,
taste me, then take me
As I spill this confession.
Sweet, sweet obsession.
No longer hidden,
but always forbidden.

So wrong to desire what
once set me on fire
like Hell that you put me through.
How could I forgive you?
Reliving history,
and now the mystery is solved.
You have been absolved of all blame
For now I indulge in the flame.
Oh, how the tables have turned.
Now I long to be burned.

Words that you've spoken
have shattered me, broken me
but also allowed me to heal.
You've caused me to feel
a brand new sensation.
A belated invitation that I must accept.
Compelled to attend.
The end?
Never. This love is forever.

Our contract in blood;
a flood of emotions inside me.
I beg you to hide me
within these folds of time.

Here
I am safe.
Here
I am free.
Permitted to feel.

Because this is not real.

The Song of October

My favorite and most personal poem, this is about autumn and my feelings associated with it.

THE SONG OF OCTOBER

The world is slowly shifting...
Oppressive heat is lifting.
I inhale
the final fading sighs
of summer's breath;
Such a glorious Death
is Autumn.

I find myself helpless;
no words to capture
this seasonal rapture
that grips my heart in cold.
Waves of red and gold
swirl around...
Like memories that surround me
so clear they astound me.
So many secrets I have never told.

Sky so peaceful blue,
protects me like a cover.
Or else a deceitful lover,
appearing safe and inviting,
when in truth so bitter and biting;
enveloping my senses in chill.
Such a thrill
to feel
so real....
so warm.
Then comes the storm
so sudden and strong, to make me forget
that warmth could ever exist.

Deep intakes of breath
sustain me with air that is stunningly crisp
So sweet I can't resist
this poison that swells up inside me.
I'm alone.
A witness to beauty and pain.
Metallic rain of leaves
that seems to be never ending.
A branch in the wind, unbending
eventually will be broken.
Words that will never be spoken
evaporate from rosy lips.
Deadly heartbeat fading fast...
And now my eyes will close at last.

Such a Glorious Death is Autumn.

Thanksgiving

Written Thanksgiving Day, 2010

THANKSGIVING

Today I give thanks for each breath I sustain.
For the changing of seasons ~ the wind and the rain.
I'm thankful for colors, for darkness and light.
For sunshine and starlight, for each day and night.
I'm thankful for forests, and mountains, and oceans.
I'm thankful for thoughts and for dreams and emotions.
For love and for happiness, for pain and for sorrow.
The gift of today and the chance of tomorrow.
I'm thankful for all of the years now behind me;
they formed me, they shaped me, and now they remind me
of all of the memories no one can steal ~
powerful, meaningful, beautifully real.
Mostly I'm thankful for my roles in this life ~
A woman. A daughter. A sister. A wife.
And one I give thanks for above any other:
This privilege and honor of being a MOTHER.
For each day that I have with my two little boys.
The smiles and the giggles ~ the endless joys.
I'm thankful for days filled with fun and surprise...
For seeing my future in their deep brown eyes.
Today I give thanks for the part that I play
in this world, in this life, on this perfect day.

Unending Summers

Written after seeing a teenage girl that reminded me of myself on the first day of summer vacation.

UNENDING SUMMERS

On this warm summer evening
I walk along the grey and broken pavement
under a grey and heavy sky.
My sandals skip across a cool puddle
left behind on this dreary day
Not at all like a typical summer evening...
Not at all like the ones you remember forever.

Do you remember the sun descending
and the taste of freedom sweet on your lips?
Nowhere you had to be,
except where you longed to be...
And now, don't you long to be free?
Like you were in those unending summers.

Do you remember the anticipation...
excitement spreading through you?
Like light filling a dark room.
Illuminating the possibilities of a brand new day.
Your eyes would open slowly.
No need to rush or hurry...
And no need to worry.
You were safe in the arms
of those unending summers.

Tonight while I walk on this dreary night,
I see a teenage girl on the sidewalk.
She holds herself cautiously...a little unsure.
But still, so pure.
Such innocence in the way she is standing.
What is she thinking and dreaming while
enjoying her unending summer?
Now, it is her turn.
What memories will she make and hold forever?

She gives me a smile through the rain.
and with surprise I recognize her face,
and the arms she wraps around herself.
I know the hair tumbling down over the curve of her shoulders.
And I know her heart.
And now I know
that when she looks back on this day,
she will only remember the sun.

So young, and so carefree.
She was me.

Wildfire

Don't remember when or why I wrote this one! I only remember that it has to do with winter becoming spring.

Trapped
within this heavy chill
reveling in stillness.
Lonely and daunting, but
beautifully haunting
The ice
like glass
slides over the warmth of my heart
beckoning, teasing
leaving me freezing
as I feel my blood beating
consistent, persistent.

Life stirs within me
though it appears to be leaving.
How deceiving a winter can be.
Such surprise
to watch my breath take form before my eyes.
A visual confirmation
The presence of my soul, still whole,
though thought to be shattered
like the glass
like the ice.
I paid the price for my surrender
to the glorious sun.

Beyond the biting chill, I feel the blaze.
and see the sun beyond the icy haze.
My fingers spread and numbness starts to cease
as warmth returns and overtakes the freeze.
The ice melts into water rushing
Like blood, and life, and heat that has me blushing.
So pointless to resist the sweet temptation
I thrive, and I indulge in this sensation.
I writhe and watch in helpless fascination

as you spread throughout my body

Like Wildfire

Sleeping Window

From 2009, written about a time in 1998

SLEEPING WINDOW

On the edge of the black
I don't want to go back
to get lost in the sea of delirious laughter
I just don't belong there.

Here
in the darkness
looking up, looking down
at endless sky and endless sea
would you miss me?
Maybe I could
maybe I should
why don't I just
fall?
And let the darkness catch me

Such relief to be
lost.
Away from everything
Away from everyone
Away from everywhere
I don't want to be
anymore.

So tired of endless buzzing in my mind,
So easy, this escape...a way to forget
with no regret.
And maybe they would leave without me.

I feel a smile upon my face
and I know
and I'm sure
that this is the moment.
A breath of salty air,
and I tumble through the sleeping window
to fall
not down, but away.

I pry the fingers that have trapped my heart
and open my eyes to the stars
I am released.
I descend.
Twist and bend in this glorious freedom
A whole new perception
far from deception

I surface again,
and it's almost as if

I no longer was

I hadn't been

I never became

Ruined.

It's almost as if I had Never

been Broken
Forever.