Sleeping Window

From 2009, written about a time in 1998

SLEEPING WINDOW

On the edge of the black
I don't want to go back
to get lost in the sea of delirious laughter
I just don't belong there.

Here
in the darkness
looking up, looking down
at endless sky and endless sea
would you miss me?
Maybe I could
maybe I should
why don't I just
fall?
And let the darkness catch me

Such relief to be
lost.
Away from everything
Away from everyone
Away from everywhere
I don't want to be
anymore.

So tired of endless buzzing in my mind,
So easy, this escape...a way to forget
with no regret.
And maybe they would leave without me.

I feel a smile upon my face
and I know
and I'm sure
that this is the moment.
A breath of salty air,
and I tumble through the sleeping window
to fall
not down, but away.

I pry the fingers that have trapped my heart
and open my eyes to the stars
I am released.
I descend.
Twist and bend in this glorious freedom
A whole new perception
far from deception

I surface again,
and it's almost as if

I no longer was

I hadn't been

I never became

Ruined.

It's almost as if I had Never

been Broken
Forever.